A pirate walks off his ship. He has a wooden leg, a hook instead of a hand, and a patch over his right eye. He sits down on a bench, and begins throwing peanuts to the seagulls.
Two curious young children shyly sit down next to him and ask the pirate how he came to have a wooden leg.
The pirate replies, "Well, I was standing on the deck of me ship one day, and a wave washed me overboard. Then a shark came along and bit me leg off!"
The little boy then asked, "How did you lose your hand?"
"Many years ago, I was fighting the Navy, and one of them scalawags cuts me hand off. Their doc couldn't find a hand, so they puts this hook on," answered the pirate.
Next, the little girl asked, "How did you lose your eye?"
"Well," says the pirate, "I was standing watch up in the crow's nest, and just as I looked up, a lousy seagull flew over and did his business right in me eye!"
The children, thoroughly confused, exclaim "How did THAT cause you to lose your eye?"
The pirate replies, "Well, it was me first day with the hook."